After The Storm Part 3 : My Sacrifice
by Yamchas Big Pants
Summary: Part 3 in my After the Storm series. Hitomi's wishes once again take her back to gaia, but her welcome in fanelia is not what it had once been. A coldness is present in the palace due to the arrival of the mysterious Feliciana. ::on hold::
1. Chapter 1

Hitomi left the auditorium feeling deflated and tired. Not only had she fallen asleep while she should have been taking notes, but she had been caught by Mr Leckie her lecturer. He had given her the warning that if she didn't start paying attention she would be dropped from the course and would have to start all over again. The Graphic Communications course really hadn't been the one for her. But she needed it if she was going to be a…a… Stopping in the middle of the emptying cafeteria Hitomi stood transfixed. She had been sure for months that she wanted to be an architect. She wanted to create beautiful buildings, just like the ones on… No, she wanted to build Gaea right there on Earth. But now, she didn't really know what she wanted to do. 

Wandering to a table, Hitomi sat down and placed her bag on the surface. It was a simple wicker weave basket type handbag with a few notebooks and pads inside. Staring down at it tiredly, Hitomi pulled out a sketchpad and opened it. In amongst the figure compositions and still lives, there were sketches of beast men, Asturian dresses, guymelefs and the Fanelian countryside. Never once had she been able to draw Van, although had attempted many times. She just couldn't bring herself to do it; she just couldn't get it right. She'd been able to live for five years only seeing him in her mind and it had been a painful existence at that. Why should she torture herself remembering every line, every fold, every dimple in his tanned skin, older than years through sadness and defeat? Why should she depress herself thinking about his eyes, dark, wild, hungry and breath taking in their power? Why should she cause herself heart ach by thinking about his hair thick and unruly, sleek and soft? And his lips; broad, tanned and lonely. Why should she long for him so? Because she loved him and knew that she could only live so long before she would break down in pity for herself and longing for him. 

A hand waved in front of her face "Hel-lo-o? Are you alive Hitomi?" A tall blonde haired girl stared down at her with a quizzical look on her face. Hitomi smiled, it was Kyoko. Kyoko was in her social sciences class and sat beside her. They had become good friends over the short while they had been at university together. Kyoko was really the only friend Hitomi had had since Yukari and Amano had left two years ago to live in England with Amano's father. 

"Sorry Kyoko, I was away in a dream world" Hitomi smiled up, but was aware that Kyoko wasn't listening to her. "Kyoko?"

The blonde girl was staring at the pad in Hitomi's hands "Did you draw those?" Hitomi was about to nod and explain when Kyoko swiped it from and engrossed, started flicking through the pages. "These are good, I mean **really** good, wow Hitomi you never told me you could draw like that, and with such imagination" She added with an incredulous chuckle as she flashed Hitomi the picture she was talking about. It was a black and white sketch of Escaflowne. The shorthaired girl reached out and tried desperately to grab the evidence from her friend before she could see any more. But it was too late; artfully dodging Hitomi's frenzied efforts, Kyoko reached the pages and pages of drawing of a dark haired young man.

"Ooooo Hitomi, you never told me you had a boyfriend!" She teased taking the seat opposite the exhausted artist. "heheh and what's with the wings? Is it a twisted weird little fantasy of yours?" She added with a bit too much playful venom.

Hitomi wrenched the paper away, shoved it in her bag and took off out of the hall. Kyoko leapt up and chased her shouting apologies as she did. 

Hitomi Kanzaki flopped down on her bed as she did so many times after class. She was nearing the age of twenty and was one of the older students. Unfortunate events in her past had made it difficult for her to attend university sooner. Her mother died when she was seventeen because she had never really recovered from Hitomi's loss, even when she had returned. So from then on Hitomi had had to work overtime at a sushi bar in order to save up enough to pay for her tuition fees. With Yukari and Amano's departure, she was free agent with no one but herself to care about. Oh life on Gaea had never looked so rosy and Hitomi had found herself trying to spiritually contact Van more often, but it was hard as he was very busy and thought of her less often these days. The idea that he would have given in to the pressure of his advisors and married someone scared her to her very core. She would die if Van left her here on earth by herself. At night she would comfort herself with thoughts of how he would look now, as he always appeared in her visions the way she had left him. Maybe he would look exactly like Folken but with dark hair. No, Van was different from Folken; he would look more like his father. She remembered Gohal from a vision. Yes Van would look like his father she thought and tried to picture it, but all she ever saw was the little boy she left behind. Hitomi rolled over, kicking her shoes and socks off. Hearing the emptiness they left after falling made her heart wrench. Maybe if she'd valued all the contact she'd had with him while she'd been on Gaea, maybe if she'd taken more time to listen to his heart beat when he'd flown them from the pit of lava. Maybe if she'd done more to help him in his pain, she might not be feeling this emptiness now. Tears spilled from her open lifeless eyes as the phone rang and bleeped after a few tones. It was Kyoko's voice apologising and trying to sound cheerful leaving her message on the answering machine. Why did Hitomi have to leave, she'd lost everything and was all alone in this small two-bit apartment in a horrible dingy area of the city, her childhood left behind and the fairytale land of her true love so far off. 

Then Hitomi did something she hadn't done since she was a little girl. Dragging herself off her covers, Hitomi knelt at the side of her bed. Clasping her hands she began to pray. "Please God, I know that we haven't talked much and I have never been a Christian…what with my tarot cards and everything…but…I have nothing left to live for and no one else to love me…please if it's possible…send me back to Gaea…I want to be with Van…I want" Hitomi trailed off into a howl of sobs and tears, collapsing in the darkness of the room. Small sparks of light danced about the room, blue and gold. Playing and dancing as they searched, finding the girl they came together and a huge beam of blue light descended into the room. Kanzaki felt her hair begin to rise and she jerked her head up to find that the room around her was drifting away. She was going back! She was going home! She was going back to Gaea! She was going to do what her grandmother hadn't! She was going back to Van!

Van squinted at the horizon, the sun was setting as he and his soldiers returned from Asturia on horseback. It was a warm and comfortable night and the men were in high spirits returning home to visit their wives and children. Van himself sighed wistfully, it would be nice to go back to the castle and sleep in a proper comfortable bed. He'd been more or less living inside his armour for the past week, having visited Queen Milerna. She'd allowed Fanelia and extension on their loans, which was very much needed. With that sorted out he could get a good night's rest and start worrying about the harvest in the morning. If only he didn't have to go back to her. Feliciana. Feliciana appeared from Bazram, claiming to have been betrothed to Folken before his mysterious disappearance and having lived in a convent for most of her life. She didn't really seem like the type of woman to have been a nun most of her life, Feliciana had a taste for the good life and an eye for luxury. Van's advisors had taken it upon themselves to push Van towards her as a suitable Queen. (Much more suitable than the likes of Vari or Hitomi) Ah Hitomi. Like a breaker upon the sand, clearing his dusty tired thoughts away. Her beautiful green eyes were shining with tears; that was how he'd last seen her in the flesh. Her short brown hair dancing around her face in wispy waves like the tide upon the shore. Lord, how he wanted her there, to soothe his mind and his heart, to keep the nightmares at bay. Van no longer had the strength to keep going much longer. In his teenage years, fighting the enemy had almost killed him on many occasions, just from the sheer stress of it all. But the mere thought of redemption had kept him going, his honour and duty had kept him alive. She had kept him alive. Now, life seemed like a very large stone; round and dull, never moving, never changing, alone. 

His thoughts were interrupted as a ram's horn was sounded from the gates of Fanelia signalling the King's arrival. With the cool evening breeze in his hair, Van was glad to be home. As his yak bellowed gently beneath him, the young king privately let himself imagine Hitomi behind him on the mount with her arms around his waist and her chin on his shoulder enjoying the beauty of Fanelia with him. Arriving inside the familiar ancient wooden gates, Van dismounted and expected the usual welcome from his feline friend. Sure enough pushing through the women and children come to welcome their husbands and fathers home, she came bounding. A full- grown woman of seventeen: still galloping on her four legs and still glomping him. Shaking himself off he took her to her feet from the dusty ground. 

"Oh Lord Van, I hate when you have to go away I'm so lonely here without you" She whined still holding onto his collar preciously.

He stared down at her with the fondness of a brother and stroked her hair "Did she look after you alright?" The slender cat-girl nodded sullenly, but said no more about the matter.

"I'll go and prepare your bath, you stink!" She said playful running off towards the palace. Meryl: seventeen years old and still as cheeky as she ever was. Van shook his head and his smile drooped. Hitomi both of us need you, can't you see that?

A/N: Hey there, the final touches have been made to the prologue…so Hitomi is on her way to Gaea as we speak…what sort of welcome awaits her in Fanelia…and who is Feliciana? Ohhh…Excited-ness!


	2. Chapter 2

With a heavy thud, a young girl came sprawling through the air as a thick beam of light tapered into a pinprick. There she was left lying on the grass in the moonlight. Stirring herself she sat up and was aware she was no longer in the bedroom she previously had been. Hitomi looked around her: trees and fields in the darkness. A feeling of excitement and relief welled up inside her as she lay back down and began to giggle. She was free; she was away from all her troubles. She wouldn't have to worry about getting her degrees and she wouldn't have to work in a sushi bar and hopefully she wouldn't have to be alone. Tears of happiness welled up over her cheeks as she laughed loudly, forgetting where she was for a moment just staring at that cold blue-green orb in the sky. Van, Van where was he now and what was he doing. More to the point, where was she? 

Her ecstatic laughter stopped as Hitomi realised she didn't know whereabouts on Gaea she had been dropped. Getting wearily to her knees she stood up and tried to get her bearing. To her left, which would be north, or south, or east, or even west, was a small herd of cow like creatures. To her right, which was equally as confusing, was a small cattle barn. Perhaps there could be someone near by who could direct her to Fanelia. What if no one had heard of it? What if she was half way across the globe from Van? Life couldn't be that cruel, could it? Stumbling forward, Hitomi painfully realised that she didn't have anything on her feet. But nevertheless she continued to saunter quietly across the rough uneven ground. Funny sort of place to graze cattle, her subconscious mind whispered to itself. However Hitomi was in no mood to think of such trivial things, she needed sleep. Reaching the small wooden structure, the young girl pulled the rusty old door open to find it absolutely empty with no signs of human or humanoid life whatsoever. Fatigue was overpowering her and she couldn't see any other structures for miles, so instead of arguing about it, she found a nice pile of hay and lay down. Pulling her arms inside the sleeves of her top she kept herself warm, heating her heart with images of her reunion with Van. It would be the end of a sad tale. 

The young Fanelian Prince stood staring out of his large bedroom window. His hair blew slightly in the breeze of the witching hour. His face had elongated just the way Folken's had, although his maroon eyes remained wide and innocent. The dainty childish nose and thin wavering eyebrows had grown into strong thick features achieving a regal face. With another five years beneath his belt, Van's body had changed somewhat too. He was still rather short, being just above average height, but his body had broadened and hardened to create a sturdy swordsman, a great warrior and King. However the one thing which hadn't changed over the five years, was his love for Hitomi. Standing there watching the Mystic Moon and it's pearly partner, he had a sudden feeling that something had changed, Hitomi no longer felt like she was on the far away place called earth, but closer. But how could that be? If she had come back to Gaea wouldn't she have been brought to the castle by the beam of light? Maybe it was only wishful thinking. After all Hitomi had too many things bolting her down to her own existence and it was impossible that she could be here on Gaea, never mind Fanelia. Van sighed and pulled himself away from the clear starry night sky. He had a big day ahead tomorrow and standing staring out of a window wasn't going to help his tiredness any! But he knew with a sudden cold chill, that sleep would probably be as illusive tonight as it had been for a long while. It was beginning to show in circles under his eyes, how much that that dream was haunting him. The only one who knew of his feverish nightmares was Meryl. Bless her soul, she came and comforted him when her woke and never spoke a word to another being about it. Van knew that he couldn't simply face the horrors he'd experienced and then shake them off after the war. The terrors of night, weren't vampires or werewolves, they were the souls of the dead whose lives Van had taken. The blood and destruction he'd been a part of. It came to him every night and stopped his breathing, drained his energy and ruined his health. The only comforting thought which quelled the torrents of destruction, was the vision of her. Hitomi; the green-eyed, fragile bloom.

He stepped back feeling suddenly breathless. His room was lit by a few candles making the huge expanse very welcoming and soft, but as he looked around his eyebrows creased. He wanted Hitomi to see this with him and feel the cosy intimacy of it all. Van sighed gently. The smell of herbs and oils reached his nostrils and temped his mind to shut down. Merle stuck her head around the door to his personal bathroom. "Lord Van…your bath's ready" She smiled hopping back inside. A small smirk dimpled the edges of his mouth. Merle always did know how to make him feel better. Arriving at the doorway he spread his frame out against it. 

"Merle, you didn't have to bother, I'm alright. He said seeing the large enamel tub filled to the brim with foam and bubbles. The young cat girl skitted about placing a towel over a rack by the fire. "Oh don't be silly Lord Van, when was the last time you relaxed?" She asked facing him with a balled fist on her hip. Van's shoulders sagged and he shrugged her shirt off his shoulders revealing two yoke bearing eaves. Scratching his toned stomach he yawned lazily. Merle huffed motheringly and helped him off with his trousers. Stepping into the seething warmth of the bath Van let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. His catty adopted sister stood looking dubiously at his discarded clothing as she picked them up "Aww Van didn't you even change your clothes while you were away?" The young Fanelian King opened an eye with all the enthusiasm of a sloth. He observed her with an air of dumb bewilderment. Merle sighed exasperatedly and left him to soak luxuriously and forget the strains that his body endured night after night. 

The soft silence of the night engulfed him accompanied only by the friendly murmurings of the fire. The steaming water reddened his skin and soothed a burning craving inside him. Oh Lord how he wanted Hitomi there. Not as the young girl who'd left to go home but as a woman to assuage his most deeply felt needs. Sinking down into the heaven of the bubbles he pushed his hair back flat against his head and closed his eyes. Hitomi…Hitomi.

The young girl jerked awake. Something warm and wet was assaulting her face. Sitting up abruptly she pushed the eager and curious face of a large cow away from her. It batted its long feminine eyelashes at her and resumed chewing the cud. Hitomi angrily wiped her face of the sticky saliva with the sleeve of her jumper. Great wake up call a slobbery cow giving you a kiss, just what she wanted. Succeeding in ridding herself of the gooey mess she took a moment to get her bearings. Then it all flooded back to her. She had come back to Gaia. She had come back to Van. Her heart thudded in her chest. Now all she had to do was find him. 

Standing on shaky legs, the young woman dusted the hay from her woollen pullover and edged past the giant beast still blocking the door of the small shack. Her stomach growled as the bright morning light attacked her eyes. She needed breakfast, but the dry field looked bitter and greedy, keeping all its goodness to itself. A sigh escaped her lips. It was a happy sigh; she was right where she wanted to be, even if she was a little hungry and dirty. Well almost, she thought with a dreamy smile. Right now she had to find out where she was and how far away Van was. Looking around about she spotted something glittering in the distance a little beyond the edge of the field. It looked like white canvas blowing in the wind. Finding her feet Hitomi jogged towards it. Getting nearer she realised there was a road and the canvas was used to shield a small wagon from the sun. She kept walking with a steady airy pace. Nothing could keep her down now. Her heart was racing and she felt like a child on Christmas morning. As she approached the cart her heart dipped a little…it seemed to be deserted. Hitomi visibly drooped. 

"Hello?" She called quietly, her voice still shaky from sleep. Walking around the side of the wooden structure she found a young beast man tying up a cotton bag. He turned with amber eyes and looked her up and down. "Can I help you?" he asked regarding her attire with some puzzlement. She smiled breathlessly. "Hi, can you tell me how far it to Fanelia?" The man continued to look at her with an air of confusion but at the length he straightened up till he was towering above her and called inside the tent of the wagon. "Father…there's a traveller here wanting to know how far away Fanelia is" After a few moments during which the creature's eyes never left her, a slightly older face popped through the material to stare at a very unnerved Hitomi. But she recognised that face, however animalistic it was. "Rhum?" She asked. The older man's eyes brightened and he smiled with familiarity. "Lady Hitomi! From the mystic moon" She grinned widely, relieved to be in the company of friends.

"So you've returned? Are you planning to stay?" He asked jumping out from the raised carriage. The young girl nodded eagerly "…That is…if Van …will have me?" Rhum smiled, "Oh Lady Kanzaki, King Van has been very patient for your return…but I fear something's amiss in that palace. You've come just in time." Her green eyes clouded with confusion and a little fear "What do you mean? Is Van all right?" The elderly beats man glanced at his son who was slightly bewildered and shook his head "I dare not speak about it miss," he suddenly brightened eager to change the subject. "We're heading back to the city in a little while, once we sheer the brallons…we'll take you back then." The young woman sighed in relief. She would sort this out when she arrived.

After a few hours inside the cool shade of the wagon, they were finally ready to go. Rhum's son, Gar, watched Hitomi with some revelation. He was no older than she was and must have been curious about the fact that she was from the mystic moon. She smiled kindly at him, but couldn't contain the burning excitement inside her to see Van again. The journey itself was not unpleasant and made her first day back on Gaia an experience very unlike her previous visit. Rhum and his son sang local shanties and taught Hitomi some of the lyrics in their native tongue. Finally Rhum leant back into the covered carriage and shook the young girl awake, as she had taken a short nap. "Miss Hitomi, we're here" She leapt up and scrambled into the seat beside Rhum. True enough, there she sat; the strong sturdy walls of Fanelia. Banners with the Royal colours waved majestically in the summer breezes.  And carts rumbled in and out of the city like ants to and from their nest. Hitomi's senses were assaulted from all sides. The gentle babble of the ordinary folk going about their business, the awesome enormity of the gates as she passed through them and the grandeur of Van's castle perched squarely in the centre took her breath away and brought tears to her eyes.  Rhum looked at her sidelong. 

"Miss Hitomi? Are you alright?" Young Kanzaki nodded slowly overwhelmed by the intensity of emotion she was feeling at that moment. 

Rhum snapped his reigns lightly and the oxen at the front mooed low before stopping. Gar jumped out of the back of the cart and helped Hitomi down from the height. She thanked him and looked up at Emerald city. Nothing made her heart pound more than to know that her one true love, the man for whom she'd pined, her soul mate was inside right now, unaware. Oh, how he'd be surprised. The look on his face when she walked in would be priceless. What would she say? What would she do? What would he look like? Questions flapped around in her head like butterflies flitting in all directions. Rhum had wandered off leaving a Hitomi and his son to simply be a spectacle to curious passers-by. Now he returned and called to them

"Lady Hitomi, the King is out in the fields helping with the harvest, come I'll take you there" her eyes shone with excitement. Finally she'd see him again. She couldn't bear having to wait any longer! Piling back in, Rhum Flicked the reigns and the oxen took off at a greater speed through the gates and veering off to the high ground above the castle. In a matter of minutes they had reached a wide-open pasture on the other side of the ridge. Fields of wheat and barley swayed in the gentle gusts of wind, striking yellows and golds against the stark clarity of the blue skies. Small dots appeared on the horizon as the bend figures of workers and the fields changed into rows of large vines growing grapes. People shielded their eyes and they looked up to investigate the visitor. Hitomi sat forward, almost unable to contain her excitement. Rhum picked up speed. Filed after field passed by. In the nest enclosure there was potatoes and some sort of marrow, a tail sticking up from behind a large pumpkin-type-plant caught Hitomi's eye. "Meryl!" The cat-girl straightened up and gazed over her shoulder. "Hitomi?" In an instant she had passed, but Hitomi giggled in delight. She was so overjoyed she couldn't believe this was happening. The last field was where they stopped. It seemed that some sort of hugely mutant crop was growing that required the strongest men to haul them from the ground. With large blue leaves they were very unusual to the earth girl's unaccustomed eyes. Rhum jumped from his eat and began calling. 

"King van! Where is his majesty?" Many big burly men straightened up from their crouched positions. Hitomi's eyes flickered over each face trying to find those familiar maroon eyes, that wild, untamed and earthy hair and that face so innocent but strong. 

"What is it Rhum?" The voice came as a dark haired young man stood up and vainly wiped his soil-encrusted hands on his tunic. He froze in mid-action and simply stared dumbfounded at the figure atop the cart. She was so beautiful. Her brown hair tempted her shoulders and her figure was now that of a woman's. Her mouth was parted in anticipation and those eyes. Ye Gods! Eyes to drown in, stared at him with a fire and a passion he knew only too well. Splitting the now all-encompassing silence they launched simultaneously from the spots where they had previously occupied. Both lovers bounded over the field, stopping short as they stood in front of one another, eyes and mouths wide in shock, marvel, ecstasy, and something of disbelief. 

Van was trying to find words for something, but the utter sensation of realisation overwhelmed him. "Hit…you're here…you…Hitomi? …You're here!" He took her face in his hands as though to confirm she was really real. His eyes; older than their years were now wide in childlike wonder. He quickly removed his hands and laughed nervously at their filthy condition. Hitomi laughed with him. A laugh of relief, happiness, sadness and above all else fulfilment. Van picked her up and swung her around, laughing all the while. She was home, there safe in his arms, happy and …she was home.


	3. Chapter 3

The day had been a dream for her. Hitomi had been to Gaia before and everyone in Fanelia knew of her that was for certain. However, fear, visions, homesickness and the great riddle of fate had kept her from admiring the beauty all around her. Rhum had taken them back to the palace in the cart, where they had done little else but hold hands, laugh and share a babble of news. Afterwards, Meryl had joined them in a tearful reunion outside the castle before leaving Van to get cleaned up and taking Hitomi to her room. The young Earth girl had suggested that she help with the harvest but neither Van nor his feline foster sister would allow it. The king in question had excitedly rhymed off a list of things he wanted to show her and that they could do together. 

So there she stood, dressed in a plain Fanelian tunic, she had insisted on wearing something she could move about in. Meryl fussed around the large room, sorting sheets, dusting and opening curtains. "I'm sorry Hitomi, but you really should have sent a message ahead telling us that you were coming." She cast a sarcastic sideways glance at the green-eyed girl. Hitomi smiled back. She couldn't help but admire the strangely beautiful young cat girl Meryl had grown into. Her peachy hair swung about her shoulders as she busied to and fro, and she had a good bit of height over Hitomi as it was. She smiled with a displaced sense of pride at her feline friend. But before she could indulge in nostalgia, Meryl jolted her from her thoughts by giving her a sharp nudge. "Well? Are you going to stand there **all** day? King Van is a busy man you know!" And with that she bounded out of the room on all fours. Hitomi rolled her eyes. **Some** things never change.

As she arrived in the stables as they had arranged, Hitomi breathed in the fresh Gaian air. She felt as though she'd really arrived home. For the first time in her life, she felt as though she belonged somewhere and she didn't miss the earth. It hadn't shown her much in the way of love since she'd returned the last time. It was empty cold and dull. Not like Van. Van was her lifeline into the light. His gentle power, his familiar warmth, his love was all she felt she would ever need. Stopping in her tracks, Hitomi timidly raised her head towards the sky, where she perceived God to exist and raised her clasped hands to her chin. "Thank you God for bringing me here, and I promise, no more tarot cards!" As though showing her God's approval, Van appeared in the doorway of the stables, his face glowing with excitement. "Are you ready?" His voice had deepened a few octaves, but still had the impatient exuberance to it. Hitomi nodded and joined him, cheekily taking his hand in hers before they left.

The afternoon was no different to her morning. Van had taken her on a horseback ride through the highly wooded Fanelian countryside. He had shown her the best viewpoints, the places where certain fruits and flowers grew, each beautiful in their own way. By late afternoon they had reached the top of the high granite cliffs that surrounded Fanelia and made her a great fortress. From there, the sun began to slip down into the clouds and slowly to its resting place. The Mystic Moon and its partner were now visible as ghostly images in the orange sky. The view was breathtaking. The sea glittered sparingly in the distance and was remarked by a sweeping area of dense woodland that stretched for miles. Fanelia's castle and settlements were nestled snug in the centre, dark and rich against all of the green. The castle basked in the dying light and the newly built structures enjoyed the laziness of a last minute public holiday. 

Van's mare trotted back and forth slightly as he caught his breath. "Isn't it beautiful? I haven't been up here in a very long time." Hitomi smiled at the man who sat next to her. He was different now, but still the same and she knew what he was like under that Kingly exterior. In a move that surprised her a little, Van dismounted his horse and led it by the reins to a near by tree. He beckoned for her to follow suit. 

Tying off her own chestnut horse's leads, Hitomi came to join him close to the edge. He was looking out nostalgically at the red lined clouds, drifting lazily through the evening sky. His face was painted softly in amber light, accentuating his maroon eyes. The strong face betrayed nothing of the struggles he had faced in his life and the smaller dark haired girl admired him for it. She loved Van with all her heart, but first and foremost he was her friend and she envied the burdens that he bore so bravely. If only she could be as courageous and strong, then maybe she could feel as though she deserved to be standing on that hillside with him. Turning to face her tenderly, Van began to unbuckle his cloak. 

"Hitomi, there's something I've wanted to show you for the longest time" His voice was rough like bark but at the same time, smooth with youth. Hitomi nodded, she wouldn't deny Van anything. Standing only in his tunic, trousers and boots, Van strained against his shirt. It took the girl a few distressed moments to work out that he was trying to grow his wings. With a small popping noise and a flurry of soft white feathers, elegant swan like wings unfolded with angelic grace, blotting out everything in the young girl's sight. The sensation took her breath away. The angel stepped toward her and let his arms snake around her waist. Hitomi gasped a little but smiled as she felt herself being lifted from the ground. The wings sighed against the air as it rushed past them. The young woman looked up into the titled face of the man whose arms she was in and smiled. Perhaps he wasn't an angel. No, he wasn't. Van definitely had his dark side. He wasn't **an** angel, but he was **her** angel. She would settle for that any day. She snuggled against Van's warm chest and felt the tears begin to sting at her eyes. How often had she tried to conjure the memory of how it felt to be carried in those arms, and failed. But now she could feel his heartbeat, his body-heat, even his breathing as his wings beat the air around them. The tender heat radiating off his body was something she had wished for more vehemently than anything. Something as elemental as the breath in his lungs was like gold. 

Suddenly an updraft caught them and pulled the pair higher. Hitomi grasped Van's shirt preciously, surprised by the cool air rushing past her cheeks. "Open your eyes" His voice was nothing more than a whisper in her ears, but it felt like an electric shock had passed through her. Slowly she let her eyes flutter open, the pressure of the air kept her blinking. Van was flying higher, faster, and more passionately than she had ever known. They spiralled upwards, raging towards the clouds, picking up speed, hurling like a bullet shot from a gun skywards. Like a triumphant crescendo they broke through the thick blanket of thick orange tinted clouds. The sun, like a giant fan sat in a clear semi-circle on top of a sublime coating of whipped cream. It stretched for miles, encompassing all. It was like a whole different plane of existence. Somewhere Van with his heavenly wings belonged preserved forever in this state of youth. 

Once again Hitomi was aware that she was suspended miles above the surface of the planet, but she wasn't afraid. Van looked down at her. "What do you think?" Hitomi blinked feeling the tears once again burning the edges of her eyes. "Hitomi, are you alright?" The last thing he wanted to do was upset her! But she smiled a watery smile at him. "It's beautiful Van" His eyes softened with the realisation that she had been moved more than he had by the awe-inspiring sight.

Van ran a hand through his boisterous black hair and watched the auburn haired girl intently, as she was birled around and drawn back to her dancing partner's chest. Her smile lit the room. The dress she wore was one of his mother's. The russets and golds blended into a striking autumn array as she spun. She had picked up the Fanelian style of dance incredibly quickly and was enjoying the local music. Van himself was seated at the head of the procession. He proceeded to drink from his large ale tankard, while never taking his eager maroon eyes from her. Merle bounced in her seat along side him. She really enjoyed these formal banquets. But Fanelian Banquets were much less starchy than Asturian ones and required their attendants to place enjoyment over etiquette. 

Van's hand automatically travelled to his mouth, wiping away the thin slither of beer sliding down his chin – all the while never taking his eyes away from the beauty before him. He had to admit, Hitomi was not a beautiful woman. She had never been the ideal his mind and heart had concocted for him. But after all the time he'd spent with her, he could never understand the compulsion in his heart to keep her in his sight. Everything about her had had him bewitched. She was so strange but so real and vibrant. She was infectious, fulfilling and delicious in her own way. Van had found something deeper and more terrifying than anything he had ever known in this girl. For four whole years she had done nothing but haunt him, like something mystical and ethereal; never to be touched but always there. He wasn't even sure now if she would let him to her. Were they more than friends? Were their personalities now more compatible? He wasn't sure.

A blue melancholy had devoured the young king and he felt the sudden need to leave the room. Today had been perfect, almost exactly as he had imagined it. He didn't want to ruin it by doing anything more. Taking one last look at the moussey-haired dancer before him, he left the room. Meryl's bouncing stopped as she realised that her King had gone. Spotting him leaving by the side door behind the ring of dancers, Meryl hopped on all fours after him. 

Hitomi flopped down on the large four-poster bed that had been declared hers. Whether it was permanent or not, she wasn't sure. In fact she wasn't sure what was going to happen now. She had assumed that as soon as she had been reunited with Van they would live happily ever after, but she wasn't so sure. She'd been aware of his eyes on her all evening even when he refused to dance. She imagined he was a fighter not a dancer and left it at that. But someone else had kept a keen eye on her. She had met the woman named Lady Feliciana early after her meal and had felt a strange coldness from her. The woman was striking in every way, with long dark hair trailing on the ground behind her, thick, wavy and lustrous, and smouldering blue eyes, sharp and keen. Hitomi had felt more than little intimidated not only by the woman herself, but also by the restraint Van had shown towards her. He had waited so long for Hitomi to return all the while living with one of the most beautiful women on Gaia. He must really have felt something for her…or against Feliciana. 

Hitomi rolled on to her side. He fingers danced over the thick brocade silk of her gown, coloured maroon colour by the blue moonlight. Vari's gown. It was just like its pervious owner; soft, beautiful and smelt of the clean familiarity of a mother. Hitomi snuggled closer to the length beneath her cheek. How Van must have missed his mother. After seeing her again in those visions after so many long years of forgetting, it must have brought deep felt anxieties and guilt to the surface. Hitomi had always thought about how she had felt during her time on Gaia, but her arrival had churned up so many strange events, she had never really stopped to consider how the others felt. Allen was forced to look at the past he'd tried to hide and deny. The pain of losing his sister and the shame of his past sins had been so clear to Hitomi from the beginning. He had seemed so strong and mature, so smart and experienced in the ways of the world and within himself that she had felt she could never match him. However it became painfully clear after their visit to the mystic valley that Allen never did have a grip on himself. He had never been able to control the man he was or wanted to be. Allen's heart beat in his chest like anyone else, he lusted and desired and couldn't control the outcomes that resulted. Not only Allen, but also everyone! Milerna was awash with her own bad thoughts. Dryden had his need for control, and Meryl with her unwavering devotion to Van. Hitomi's own insecurities heightened and brought all of these conflicting emotions into the fray. It was all so painful, so tragic, but none more so than Dilandau.

A shiver was set through Hitomi's very soul at the thought of him. She could honestly say that those cerise eyes had never been conjured in her memory before now. His lust for Van's blood was not only deep rooted, but also gave him a euphoria Hitomi couldn't even fathom. Van was the centre of his universe, his one reason for living; his mission and after he was gone, Dilandau would probably have ended his own life too. So sad…

Hitomi heard a small knock at her bedroom door. She stared blankly at it from her bed for a moment, debating whether she should open at the time of night or not. Finally she heaved herself in her long gown to the door. Opening the heavy oaken panel, she was startled to see Meryl looking distressed in the threshold. Her feline ears were pinned back sharply against her hair, displaying her natural reaction to trouble. Dark Prussian eyes jumped over Hitomi's face, as they filled up with fresh tears. Hitomi stretched her arms out for the cat girl.

"Meryl? Meryl what's wrong?" She asked, as the young cat took her gesture gratefully. She quivered in the embrace.

"It's Lord Van, he's crying again Hitomi!" She sobbed in that shivering tone of hers. The dark eyes of the cat tilted pleadingly up into Hitomi's own green ones. "But I've never seen him like this" Her eyes filled up again." You have to help him!"

Tugging Hitomi from the doorway, she begged her to go down the hallway. The young girl was apprehensive. She no idea from the happy façade the two had put on, that something like this had been happening. The thought in itself was confounding. She thought Van was incapable of tears. His strength had always prevailed. Whenever his own insecurities or nightmares as a warrior beat him down, shook him up or pushed him to the edge, he always found the strength to get back up to battle more. What had happened? 

The pair stopped outside a grand door, Meryl whimpered weakly at the sound of a male scream from within the room. Hitomi pulled the feline close, as much for her own comfort as for Meryl's. 

"Please Hitomi! Do something!" Again the pitiful blue eyes begged her. 

Hitomi disentangled herself and stood pensively before the door. Knocking lightly, she knew she wouldn't get a reply. The sound of fabric being torn unnerved her as she turned the round ornate handle and pushed the heavy door inward. Meryl's hands tugged on her dress, pulling her inside, until her eyes adjusted to the dark of the room. The moans and grunts, yelps and whimpers were heart wrenching but terrifying at the same time. A pale form was writhing in the darkness; moving in short small bursts, rising and falling, convulsing like an animal in the pains of labour. Hitomi inched forward tentatively until she was by the bedside. She looked towards the small, frightened form still cowering in the doorway and smiled slightly. 

"Meryl, you go to bed now, I'll take care of him." The cat girl shrunk away nodding solemnly, obviously shaken by the ferocity of the strange trance her best friend was caught in. The door slowly closed and Hitomi cast her wide gaze towards the bed of the King. He was still caught up in the net of his sheets, tearing them apart, gripping at the linen staining them with his sweat. She had never seen him like this. His jerks were crazed, irregular and chilling. Muscles strained against nothing but air, limbs reached out at invisible enemies. His whole form quivered from exhaustion. His bare chest rose and fell with painful breaths against the emptiness of the bed. Swarthiness swam under a thin film of perspiration and stood out against the pale blue of the bed sheets. His head swung backwards and forwards trying with desperation to get away from something close to him, pinning him helplessly to the mattress. The white glimmer of clenched fangs became visible about the strong jaw and beneath the wild forest of black hair. 

He seemed to be placated for a moment by a break from his torment, but something was lurking in his quivering brow. Lying on his side, his weakening arms pushed his torso off the bed. His biceps bulged and the sinew stretched under his olive tinted skin. With a blood-curdling wail, he threw his head back, the masculine line of his throat bared to the teeth of nightmare beasts and swords of horrific warriors. His body was contorted and stretched, lithe and long off the bed when the flesh of his back began to ripple and convulse. Pain pulled at his features until those heavenly, cloud-like wings shot out, folded like bat's wings. They opened and strained pulling him in his dream from the ground. With this release, Hitomi had cowered into the corner of the room, startled by the stark ghostly feathers against the darkness of his tanned skin.  His brow unfurled and with a strangled sigh of exhaustion he flopped down the bed, only moments before the whole ordeal would begin again. 

The girl's green eyes were wide with fear but also awe. Van's soul was twisted, pulled out of normalcy. He had seen things that Hitomi could never imagine in her worst nightmares and now they were repeating themselves in his. Plucking up her courage, she slipped closer to the bed, deciding warily to climb aboard or leave him to his monsters. The drive of love in her soul made her choose the former. Kneeling on the edge of the bed, her pale hand slid forward, searching for his skin. It was hot and clammy from his exertions. Hitomi took Van's shoulders in her hands to steady his thrashing. She shook him, fear gripping her stomach.

"Van wake up, wake up!" His eyelids flapped open under the thick curtain of hair and pierced her with their own fright. They flickered, panicked, over her features, before he breathed her name gruffly. 

"Hitomi?" 

He let himself be pulled into her arms and sat there cradled in her lap, gripping her robe as thought it was all to keep him slipping into a pit of nothingness. He mumbled unintelligibly, drifting between feverish slumber and the reality of Hitomi's body beside his. 

"Hitomi…no, not alone...Dilandau, no...stay away!" Hitomi stroked his brow and held him while he gripped her waist preciously against his neck. Dilandau haunted him always, never giving him rest, hunting him down until he was no longer a warrior but simply prey. Tears leaked out between his heavy lashes as Hitomi tenderly cooed him into an even sleep. His wings lay limply across the bed covers as his body curled into a foetal position. The young girl rested her back against the headboard of the bed and yawned. It was late now and she too was tired. Holding him close she drifted off into a dreamless sleep of warmth. 


	4. Chapter 4

Van's eyelids felt heavy. More heavy than usual. Oddly, he felt at rest. The dull ache of his muscles, spent during the night, straining and pulling and freeing themselves from the grip of the sorrowful dead, was not there. His eyes fluttered open a few times, before the dark red canopy of his bed, came into view. He was warm; warm and comfortable. The night horrors that usually came to claim his strength and energy had left him alone last night. Turning his head, Van gazed at the pale soft skin of a female hand. It definitely wasn't Meryl's. No claws, no tinted skin, just pearly white and delicate. The nails had a pinkish tinge to them, something like what women called "nail polish". A hazy image of Hitomi, or his mother came back to him from the night before, holding him while he screamed. With a start Van felt the rise of flesh beneath his own, subtle and gentle, but enough to raise his eyes. Hitomi slept upright, her head titled over, chin tucked in and hair falling in her eyes. The sight drew his breath away. She really was here; he hadn't dreamt it! She really was on Gaea with him, in Fanelia, him sleeping in her lap, she wearing his mother's dress. She was breathing so softly and quietly he thought she might be a statue, or a figment of his imagination. But this was where she belonged. In his bed, as his partner, leant against the headboard engraved with Goau and Vari's official seal. A bond made for a Kingdom. His eyes returned to her hand over his bare shoulder. Rough calloused fingers reached out tenderly and stroked the bare milky skin, it's reality startling and moving in an obscure way. 

Hitomi had come to his bedchambers to save him from his demons. With her gentle touch, hushed words and very breath she had lifted him on angel wings from his greatest fears. There was no pride in front of her, nothing to hide and nothing to hide from. He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, just grateful to be in her arms.

Hitomi opened her eyes with a small sigh. The night hadn't been kind to her neck or back. She attempted to straightened up, but the pressure of a body against her jolted her wide awake. She looked down and connected with the upturned eyes of the boy, no, the man who had haunted her every waking and sleeping moment for five whole years. He lazily rolled off of her legs. Hitomi quickly pulled them beneath her. She remembered with startling clarity all that had happened last night and the condition Van had been in. He was looking up at her now in the dim early morning light from the pale silky bed covers. 

"Hitomi? Why did you come in here?" He asked quietly, his rich maroon eyes caught helplessly on hers. 

She found her voice finally, though rough from the early hours. "V…van." He smiled at her softly, just delighted about everything around him. 

"Meryl came to get me last night. You...frightened her." Van looked down solemnly. "I heard you screaming Van…why were you screaming" Van avoided her eyes for a moment. He lay on his stomach, resting on his elbows as his eyes carefully searched the wrinkles of the sheets. What would he say to her? What could he say? After a short period of silence he spoke

"Hitomi…I think I'm going mad." He was deadly serious she decided. His face was drawn and tired, dark circles under his eyes betrayed the worries of his post. Hitomi, ran her tongue over her dry lips and tried to reason his words out. From what she had seen last night she wasn't going to argue.

He pushed himself off the bed and slowly wandered over to the large bay window. Hitomi watched him; he was naked save for a pair of long shorts and a sash round his waist. The ripple of muscles across his back when he moved was undeniably sensual.  She had seen Van shirtless, but not as a man. They had both been children when they were last together. He leant against the window frame and sighed. The window itself was open just a crack, allowing a light breeze to ruffle his hair. Hitomi was filled with a wonderful picture. She, his wife and queen of many years wrapping her arms around him from behind and breathing in his wild, fresh scent. 

She was snapped from her fantasy as she realised she was staring into his eyes, silhouetted against the light in the window. "Hitomi…" he tilted his head, as though straining to work something out. "I…I don't know if I can…" he trailed off. Whatever he was trying to say had not gotten easier with time. Hitomi moved to pull herself off the bed to join him, but gasped as searing white-hot pain shot up her back. A night sitting upright had not been good to her at all. In an istant she felt Van hovering near her. 

"Hitomi? Are you alright?" he asked, his voice sounding more worried than it needed to be. She craned her neck and rubbed the soft flesh at its nape. 

"Yeah, I'll be alright, it's just stiff" Boy was it stiff! There was a slight pressure behind her on the bed and a pair of heavy hands descending on her shoulders. She instinctively tensed.

"Balgus taught me some techniques. Swordplay can make you very stiff" He coaxed, planing his hands softly over her shoulders back and forth. The Fanelian dress she still wore was sleeveless and Hitomi shuddered pleasantly when the smallest finger on the outside of his hand delicately brushed her much softer skin. He applied gentle pressure when she resisted no longer. Kneading and teasing her shoulders, Van was aware of her leaning back into his hands. Her head lolled about slightly, indicating how relaxed and loose she was becoming. The bare pearly skin at the back of his neck kept catching his attention. He'd never seen something so soft and pale before and he couldn't keep his eyes from it. Unaware, his hands moved onto her back, pushing and rubbing, making her arch forward, her head pushing back against his shoulder. Van angled his face so that he was looking at her directly. Her eyes were closed and a contented smile played upon her full lips. Her lips; so shapely and inviting. His hands were moving lower until they rested against the small of her back. He slowed his actions subconsciously, so caught up in her face, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, though not in any way out of the ordinary. She became aware that he had stopped and she was leaning against him now. Opening her eyes reluctantly, she met his. They were focused so intently on her mouth and her stomach suddenly felt weak with something luke-warm. 

"Hitomi" He spoke her name gruffly, unable to remove his gaze. Years before, he would never had been so bold. He would have roughly pushed her away, trying to hide his embarrassment with a bout of solitude. But now he was a man, and all the things his youth had forced him to miss out on, were now so important. He would do anything for Hitomi and would never risk losing her again. She was looking at him wide eyes. Ye Gods those eyes! 

"May I kiss you?" he asked tentatively searching her face, letting the quiet of morning rush over their bodies again. She watched him still, her expression unreadable and unchanged. Then with a small nod, he was given permission. Gently lowering his head, he closed his eyes. He was not in the least sure how to do this, but he hoped he could wing it and that Hitomi would forgive him. Placing his lips gently over hers, Van applied a small measure of pressure, wondering somewhere in the back of his mind what he was supposed to do next. Hitomi responded pushing back lightly into his lips. Just being so close to her, smelling her hair and her skin, even through its mucky morning smell that they both shared, was uplifting and enough to make him weep. Without warning he felt moisture against his lips and another pressure. His eyes shot open and he stared at her. Hitomi's eyes were still closed savouring the moment. Her tongue had run along the length of his lips, asking him gently for more. He quickly closed his eyes again, concentrating on this feeling that was making him dizzy. Van granted permission out of some deep buried instinct that told him what to do. Soon she was kissing him, gently probing and exploring. Van didn't have the courage to respond, he simply let her show him the way. She bowling him over. Filling him with feelings he'd never had before, giving him sensations that elicited shocking responses from his body. He was lost, totally and utterly carried away. After what must have only been a few moments, Hitomi pulled back quickly. 

He wasn't responding to her kiss. Was she going to fast? Maybe he didn't like it. Did he know what to do? It was first thing in the morning, was her breath bad? Why was he staring at her now? Van's taste hadn't been bad, not bad at all. He tasted like rhubarb, sweet and tangy. Hitomi risked a peek up at him. He pushed a finger against his lip to reveal a spot of blood. He looked at it dumbfounded and looked back at her. Hitomi's tongue frantically searched her mouth for the characteristic twang of the iron. It was faint but definitely there. Had she bitten him? No it wasn't in her nature, even with Van. She had been incredibly adventurous to even venture as far as she had. Van smiled as his tongue dipped out to mop up the mess slowly flooding onto his lips. 

Van's own canine had nicked it, as Hitomi pulled away. He didn't want her to stop. He was learning, enjoying and almost ready to respond himself. But maybe they could make it special when he finally did take the step. He was feeling bold, risky and ready. He wondered absently what Hitomi would taste like.

The rest of the day flew in. Hitomi offered to help bring in the harvest as it had been interrupted the day before with her arrival. She and Meryl worked together picking some sort of fruit that looked like strawberries but orange and much bigger. Meryl had tossed her one to try and she decided straight away that she didn't like their sour taste. Most fruit on Gaea seemed to like being bitter to the taste. The piscus, being her first example. She saw Van once or twice in the next field, heaving large turnip like vegetables from the ground. She enjoyed just being able to watch him without his awareness. She became reacquainted with many of his mannerisms and was constantly reminded of his taste and feel. Meryl nudged her violently once or twice, angrily stirring her from her daydream. When the lunch cart arrived, Hitomi dodged around many of the worked in order to casually emerge onto the road at the same time as Van. He saw her and quickened his pace. They waited in opposite lines sharing flirty but innocent glances. When they had their meal and returned to work, Van caught up with her, stealing but a quick peck on the lips before returning with a backwards glance and a smile to his field. A dogman patted him roughly on the back in congratulation for his brave act and he received much playful heckling from the older women. A reflex had Hitomi touching the spot where his lingering pressure remained, before a shy smile infected her face. 

After a long hard day and many stolen kisses from her long lost love, Hitomi collapsed into his back on top of their horse. The old steed shuffled back on worn hooves to the enclosure of the Kingdom itself. Hitomi wrapped her arms loosely around her King's waist and snuggled into his comfortable back. Van smiled wearily, but happily as he felt her gentle weight and the last warmth of the waning sun. The steady and rhythmic trotting of the old horse rocked him into a shallow sleep. His passenger's arms constricted comfortably around him and she scooted closer, pressed torso to torso against him. Removing a hand from the reigns, Van placed it over her arms and rode slowly home, exhausted but happier than he had been in years.

Van dismounted his horse but grabbed Hitomi when she slumped to the side. She was fast asleep and dirty from her work. Van softly slid her from the saddle and into his arms. Some of the workers smiled and slowed as they prepared their horses for the stable. A young boy took the reigns of Van's horse for him, leading it with the others into the stables for the night. 

Van carried Hitomi to her room in his arms. It was such a joy to do things for her. Shutting the door with his muddy boot, he laid her softly on the clean cool sheets. Searching around in the adjoining bathroom, he found a basin and cloth and began to tentatively bathe her arms from the caked mud encasing them. He did all this without a qualm. He hoped he would be allowed to do this every single night of his life from now on. But would Hitomi stay? She had always seemed too good to be true, too perfect and beautiful to ever stay within the grasp of someone as tainted as he. Van prayed silently to her, to stay. To stay in Gaea, in Fanelia with him for the rest of their lives. He wanted to kiss her again. Lowering his head, he pushed his lips against her forehead, willing to make do with the small robbed kisses he'd taken throughout the day. He brushed her hair out of her eyes and reluctantly retreated from her room. Breathing in deeply, Van closed the door and thanked whatever deity brought her here. It was only then he realised his own fatigue, but he was sure he would sleep peacefully tonight.

Deep in the shadows a pair of feline eyes watched the young and handsome King of Fanelia gaily striding down the corridors of his castle, a smile plastered on his face. The watchful and strict gaze returned to the door to the room of the short-haired girl. Unfortunately for him, Lord Van's happiness was about to end.

AN: Hope you liked this chapter, so it's been such a long time. I don't think I've written any Author's Notes on this fic or any of the other's in the series…hmm…strange, I must usually be in such a rush to upload it. Anyway I decided it was high time Hitomi and Van kissed. I guessed that not having seen each other for five years, they might both be desperate! So there you go. Please let me know what you think. Thankies!!! R&R Pweasee!


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